Zen

Went to the zendo today. My teachers were away for a week long meditation retreat so it was just 4 of us. I was shoji today! I made quite a few mistakes but at least I did it. The first time is always the hardest. It was good that it was while Genshin was away so I wasn't so nervous. We didn't have sanzen or tasho either, so it was a short day. During my meditation I had the usual tightening of my throat and pressure in my head. I still don't know what it means. My koan has me puzzled. The only thing I can understand to do is just to expand myself to fill the room. I am trying that but it is SO HARD!

Chanting is still difficult for me too. We didn't do the whole book today. I still can't keep up! It is more embarrassing since I was shoji. We use the same chanting book as Mt. Baldy Zen Center.