A question

Why?

She wondered why they hurt her
Why they screamed how much they cared
While they pinched her
And with their cruel eyes stared

Oh yes, we love you
Sometimes they’d sing
Then they’d slap her
Till her whole body felt the sting

Smiling they’d offer a present
Beautifully wrapped and with ribbons tied
They’d say it was a plea
For the forgiveness of all the times they’d lied

Foolishly she’d accept it
Believing that they knew love’s name
Opening it, she would feel her heart soar
Repeatedly playing their awful game

Of course, the box would contain
A dead pet or hairy spiders or choking smoke
Every time she opened one, she felt the pain
And lost another ray of hope.

---

I wrote this poem when I was a teenager. Lately I have been revisiting my past in an effort to heal. This poem has always been very meaningful for me. To me it describes ultimate betrayal and cruelty. I can't say that I completely understand what my younger self was thinking about when she wrote it. It probably just came bubbling up from my unconscious, but I am trying to understand what it means to me now.

Being today

I am terribly sad
As I move moment to moment
My heart aches
I feel it any time
I stop doing
And yet
The sun continues to travel the sky
My body continues to ingest and then digest food
My lungs breathe
The squirrel takes the peanuts I place on the deck railing
And my eyes smile at the sight
All seem to be oblivious of my heart pain
Today I sit with this
Because this is today