Saturday, July 10, 2004

Cherry Grove

Today we spent most of the day walking around taking pictures Cherry Grove, Fire Island, New York. It is a fun, beautiful, interesting place and a popular spot for gay vacationers. There are no cars (with a very few exceptions) so it is a great place to walk around. Instead of streets, there are boardwalks between the 'city' of cottages. I felt a great energy when I was there, there was a lot of acceptance of others and I felt a genuine friendliness. We often greeted and were greeted in return by people we saw. I mentioned this to my husband but he didn't notice it. It occurred to me that the judgments I often sense from others may not originate from them but from within myself and being in Cherry Grove allowed me to drop my self critical tendency and just enjoy the world around me.

Here is a sampling of what delighted my eye.

Near the pier where the ferry comes in, the rainbow symbolizes acceptance of many diverse lifestyle choices.

This part of Fire Island has lovely beaches. This picture shows walkways through dunes to beach.

People who live here for the summer make interesting garden displays. This is one of the most dramatic ones.

We saw some VERY tame deer there.

I saw this hose and was amazed. How can a hose be so beautiful?

Dinner for friends

Last night we had 2 couples over for dinner. It was fun to play gourmet cook again. For many years I have been fascinated by cooking and food given away more cookbooks that most sane people ever own. Now I have less than 50 but I supplement by getting books from the library and from cooking magazines. I don't make recipes from most of them. I do love to sit and page through them, tasting the food with my imagination. I also love to read food lore and learn about other cultures. One of the guests is a woman who loves French food and wine so I thought I would make that the theme. I posted the menu and the recipes in my food blog, The Nourishing Leaf. Check it out.

Thursday, July 8, 2004

Wendy's at sunset

We got salads at Wendy's and ate them at the beach while we watched the sunset. I wanted to swim but then didn't feel like it. We walked along the beach for a while. A simple, relaxing evening.

Nightmare inside a nightmare

Last night I had a nightmare, one that really scared me.

In the dream I was sleeping and had a nightmare. I woke up in my childhood home and I heard music from the basement. This terrified me because I knew my husband and I were alone there. I went to the living room to tell him about my nightmare (I often do this in my waking life). I also told him about the music in the basement. Who could be down there? How did they get in? He went down to investigate. I was very scared and looked for some kind of weapon to defend myself. The kitchen table had a lot of things on it and I was fumbling around finding the best one. I heard someone coming so I quickly chose a glass of water. Then two blond children came running from the basement. They ran for the door. As the ran out of the house I threw the water from the glass at them. I turned around relieved that they were gone and I saw my husband running at me looking like a mad man with an angry look on his face. He came at me and grabbed me. At that moment I awoke for real and ran out to the living room to tell my husband about my dream so he could comfort me. During the dream, sound, light and my body was really distorted and that added a lot to the terror of it.


According to Betty Bethards in The Dream Book:

House = self
Basement = sexual awareness and unconscious
Kitchen = work area, cooking up plans and schemes
Table = daily activities
Glass/cup = spiritual heart of self. If overflowing you are attuned to divine love; if empty you are walling self off from love energy and life force within.
Water = emotional energy
Music = healing, creative flow of life
Children = Aspects of yourself, such as vulnerability, innocence, openness, flexibility, playfulness. Often suggest you have forgotten the child part of yourself.
Husband = masculine part of self, perception of relationship with husband
Fear = Being very close to truth and frightened to look at it. The other side of fear is insight. Seeing unknown parts of self and fearful of acknowledging them; resistance. Anything feared must be faced in order for it to go away. Your greatest fear is change; ironically, to change is the only reason you are here.

I awake very close to truth and frightened of it. I can sense healing music and creativity coming from my unconscious. I run for support from the masculine part of myself and he goes into my unconscious and brings up some aspects of myself, vulnerability etc. They run through the door and I throw emotional energy after them from my spiritual heart. I think they are gone but my male aspect comes to confront me, to make me see the change I must make.

I don't know what this change is. Maybe it is to have more respect for aspects of my unconscious, to nuture the children in the basement.

Wednesday, July 7, 2004

No Zen

I didn't go to zen tonight. I got home from work really tired and I took a 'nap' that lasted over an hour. I woke too late to go. This difficulty in doing what you 'say' you want to do and know is good for you has troubled me for as long as I can remember. I guess it is a fact of the human condition since many people I know voice this concern also. But why? It seems to me that if I could understand and circumvent this annoying propensity, I would accomplish a lot more in my life.


Half of my free months is gone. Wow, it has been quick. I am tempted to whine that I don't have enough time and just waste the rest of it. NO! Let's review the list:

Things I want to do:

1. Go to zen center twice a week, Wed evenings and Sunday morning

Missed a Wed but I will go tonight.

2. Meditate at home

Not yet.

3. Go to the gym or exercise outside or at home everyday

Only went once.

4. Go to movies with husband (Fahrenheit 9/11 is next on the list, probably tonight)

I saw Fahrenheit 9/11 and watched a lot DVD's.

5. Experiment in the kitchen more

I made some nice salads and plan to invite people this weekend.

6. Eat healthy/detoxify

Half/half. This trip to PA was filled with 'treats'.

7. Go to my family reunion next week

I did it!

8. Attend one or more Reiki workshops

Not yet.

9. Read a lot, go to the library/bookstore often

I went to Borders with my sister and brother-in-law. I have gone to Borders at home too. Not to the library yet.

10. Go to the beach, swim in the ocean as often as possible

I went once.

11. Finish my June's blog to do list

Not yet.

12. Get my hair done (appt Wed)


13. Get a massage

Not yet.

14. Buy some nice clothes that fit, are comfortable, and look nice

I bought 3 outfits, some work out clothes and a new pair of crosstrainers.

15. Do art, paint, draw, make collages, etc

Not yet.

16. Spend time with uplifting friends

I little bit.

17. Go for walks, bike rides

Took some walks, especially with my sister in PA. No bike rides yet.

18. Do some re-decorating in the house (maybe--not sure I am up to it)

Probably won't get around to this one.

19. Write, think, explore dreams

Yes. Doing this a lot.

20. Dance

Not yet.

21. Sign up for that acting class (still hesitating for some reason)

Too late for this one. Maybe fall.


I am back home after my trip to PA. Traveling was fine. Traffic was sparse on the way there and manageable on the way back (yesterday afternoon). There is something very satisfying about a solitary road trip. I choose the music, the temperature, the route, the speed, and decide whether or not to stop. Yep, I did it MY WAY!