Motivation for blogging

There is an interesting article in the NY Times today about blogging. The author discusses the motivation of blogging and how some people become addicted to it, blogging rather than doing their paid work, rather than spending time with loved ones, rather than relaxing on vacation. Reading the article led me to think about why I am writing this blog. What purpose does it serve in my life? Does it matter to me if anyone reads it? I certainly can understand how one can become addicted to blogging. Although I have only started, I feel the pull to post. I have to be very disciplined not to spend work time or every free minute of leisure time working on my blog. I made my first post on May 13th, only two weeks ago. The initial idea was that it would be an online journal of my spiritual path. Although I have kept journals in the past, I have been pretty lax about it for several years and I thought the interesting technological aspect of blogging would keep me motivated. But very soon something happened. I started writing for the audience. I started to wonder what my readers (I think there are a few) would think. Would they think I am interesting enough, intelligent enough, witty enough, dedicated enough. Once again constructing myself based on my perception of other's perception of me.

I know I am not alone in filtering my entries to 'impress' my readers. Elizabeth Thomsen started a reading blog but discovered the blog was affecting her reading rather than being a passive reflection of what she read and thought.

She writes:

But I found that the fact that I knew I was going to post the title of every book that I read affected my reading habits. It made me self-conscious in my book selections and my opinions.

But there is another reason for blogging and I think this is the main reason it is so enticing for me and perhaps others. One of the bloggers interviewed in the article, Gregor J. Rothfuss said:

"I was trying to record all thoughts and speculations I deemed interesting," he said. "Sort of creating a digital alter ego. The obsession came from trying to capture as much as possible of the good stuff in my head in as high fidelity as possible."

I can relate to this. For me, really, this blog is a way to preserve and to organize myself. Humans are complicated and their thoughts--my thoughts especially so. The impossible task I put on myself, hidden in the back of my mind, is to record all these thoughts, separating the precious metals and gems from the common rock, sort, catalog and preserve them for posterity, hoping all the time that my gems are as high quality as anybody else's and actually worth preserving.


So where does this leave me? I will keep blogging and I will try to be honest with what I write. But I can't forget you are out there. Real or imagined, I write for you, too.