Friday, June 18, 2004

I was really grumpy this morning, fighting with my husband and stepson over nothing. Why? I don't know. Maybe it was in the air? Maybe everybody is grumpy like Kat and I? Those were my thoughts as I drove to work. I forced myself to ignore the light, fluffy clouds in the sky and the bright green leaves on the trees. Here, on Long Island, I often see people with grumpy, stern scowls on their faces (as I surely was wearing) and thought to my non-grumpy self that they should just get over it and notice all the beauty around them. Well, today I would have none of it. But just remembering how that self would have thought about how I was acting now put a small crack in my grumpiness. I walked from the garage to my work entrance, grumbling that I had to climb steps and then saw several pigeons cooing and walking pigeon walk. They were so beautiful. I guess I smiled in spite of myself and I looked beyond the pigeons where a woman was walking towards the entrance from another direction. She smiled at me like I was a long lost friend. Her face was familiar but I had never spoken to her. This gentle woman held the door for me and insisted I enter first, beaming all the while. I chose to use the steps to get some well-deserved (in my mind) coffee and a cranberry muffin. I looked over my shoulder and the woman was still looking at me and smiling so openly and lovingly while she waited for the elevator. As I climbed the stairs I started to cry, the tears washing the irritation and grouchiness away. I thought to myself what a wonderful thing to see a bodhisattva today.

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

Thank you for sharing that experience. When we were young, they didn't tell us how hard life would be. On the other hand, we had no clue how glorious it could be, either. Sometimes, the irritants add up and we can't help feeling grumpy. That's how it works, as far as I can tell. And sometimes the little joys add up and we feel happy. How wonderful that you were able to notice the manifold beauty of the world in spite of your frustrations. Evidence of your character strength. How wonderful that this beautiful person crossed your path! Yes, evidence of such beauty is enough to make us feel humble and thankful, and to bring tears.

Anonymous said...

i had some of those moments today as well. leave it to the Universe to put cracks in the grumpies. :-)

Anonymous said...

I keep coming back to read this post. I've been having moments lately, unexpected, when I experience what it's like to be a bodhisattva. To feel that love for someone, like the woman shone on you. For no reason, (except KNOWING that I LOVE this person) without seeking reward. And *that* makes me cry.
Mahala ` Luminous Heart