Saturday, September 18, 2004

6 months

This question came up for me today: What would you do if you only had 6 months to live?
Here is what I think this day, at this time.

If I only had 6 months to live. That is a tough one and I am not sure I can honestly answer it. I don't feel that I can really move into that space in my imagination. I suppose I would repair and/or strengthen relationships with my extended family and with my husband. Why am I thinking about that, I wonder. I guess I don't want to leave any loose ends I don't want people to feel too much regret when I go. Why aren't I thinking about myself, I wonder, what I want to do? Why wouldn't I want to do all the things I have planned now? Read more books, meditate, yoga, take classes, travel? I certainly wouldn't go on a diet. Why not do things I have never done? I don't know. I guess am jumping ahead, like 6 months is nothing, fast forwarding the the ultimate 'goal'. I suppose I do this all the time, like reading the last page of a book before even starting Chapter 1. I am amazed at my lack of an answer to this one. And I have thought about it before. One of my officemates has cancer, serious cancer. The Dr. told her the prognosis was not good. And yet she is still working, for two reasons, one, she doesn't believe the prognosis, and two she needs the health insurance. Would I do this? No, I am pretty sure about that. I would not go to work. I am reminded of a movie I saw on Lifetime with Farrah Fawcett, called The Substitute Wife. When a woman was told that she was dying she found a new wife/mother for her family. It was set during the pioneer days. Anyway, I guess I would try to make my passing easier on my loved ones. And I don't know if this is good or bad. Does this mean I don't have any idea what my Self even is, that I only see my Self as it exists as a part of other people's lives? This definately requires further contemplation.

8 comments:

Gary LaPointe said...

So I starting thinking about this and put together some thoughts of what I'd do. Of course it was a healthy six months in my scenario, that would make it a lot more fun than if I were ill.

Tinne said...

Thanks Gary. I like your idea of seeing the pyramids. But I don't feel an urgency to do things or see things. Maybe I am just not really imagining having only 6 months, but my thoughts about seeing these are, so what, I will be dead, I won't have time to think about these experiences, I won't have time to integrate them into my life. What is the point of having experiences?

Anonymous said...

I didn't think I'd feel an interest in going, seeing or doing either, but check out my list! Tibet, India! http://www.crystallotusjewelry.com/live_the_questions/index.html

Mahala

Anonymous said...

i did that once, except i gave myself a year. i wrote a list of things i'd want to do and see if i only had a year left. and amazingly i did all of them. the list included going to the bahamas, spending more time with my family, and making more art.

Anonymous said...

i keep forgetting to put my name at the end of my posts. anyways, that was kat

Anonymous said...

doh! that was me that posted the last comment.

-kat

Tinne said...

Great Kat! Wow you are one focused lady! Maybe you will share it with us in one of your posts, if you are so inclined. I know I would be interested.

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