Few posts

There have been few posts of late. It is not because I don't have anything to say. I write posts in my head all the time. I just haven't felt like sitting down and writing them. For the last week I have been either lazing around or racing around. Today was definately a racing around day. Work was busy with students taking up the whole day. This evening I am preparing for my trip to PA for my family reunion. Running around packing, buying last minute necessities, returning library books and resting from the day's work. I will leave early (~5 AM) tomorrow and spend a few days with my sister after the reunion. I may write while I am away or not.

I did get my hair cut and highlighted on Wed. Here is the newer me.

God with a fish on her head

Today I had a problem
A big problem
All the stuff that makes your head spin
Lost love, betrayal, anger and pain
Guilt and fear – the whole game

I sat for hours
By a window, on a chair
I paged through holy books
I meditated inside myself
Breathing in and out
In and out

And I prayed
In a searching way
Not
Now I lay me...
Then
I looked up at the curtain
And there she was
God with a fish growing out of her head

August 1997

Does a flower struggle?

During his dharma talk today, my teacher reiterated that when one gives herself to a flower, the flower also gives itself, they become one and then there is no separation, no self, no flower. I began to think about this and jokingly thought it wasn't very fair that I have to struggle so much to give myself to the flower so I can become one with the flower but then the flower gets to become one with me after no work at all. I asked my teacher, "Does the flower struggle with me as I struggle?" Another wise student said that I am the one who sees the flower separate from myself, so I am the one who has to struggle. Aahh. I see.